


and I want you to know that I can't let you go

by auficial



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Grown up AU, I honestly don't know what to tag this, M/M, aomine kagami basketballers, but I will try, kuroko the writer, model actor what have you kise, rekindling love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:45:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auficial/pseuds/auficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't until Kuroko Tetsuya wrote a story about Aomine Daiki that he even realized he wasn't over him.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p> <br/>Kagami happened to be online and sent his response back almost immediately.<i> "You're always obvious when he's involved. He's like basketball to you. Hell, unlike basketball, you can have a future with him."</i></p>
  <p><i>"Ouch, Kagami-kun,"</i> Kuroko felt himself smile, <i>"maybe I could have been a NBA player too."</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	and I want you to know that I can't let you go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! First fic up here, never thought this day would come. 
> 
> Enjoy~

Writers' block was something that most authors experienced at one point of their lives. Even students, business people, parents, shop owners and otherwise have felt handicapped by their lack of ability to find the most appropriate words and arrange them into something satisfactory. There was just the nuance of words that seemed to slip through their fingers and people found themselves unable to replicate whatever that was in their heads into paper or onto a blank document.

Kuroko Tetsuya was experiencing such a moment. Perhaps his was even more aggravating for he knew what he wanted to write and he had the desire to put it all down into something more concrete other than his thoughts. However, no matter how he tried, he just could not put it down in a way that felt right. What he wrote was already enough for most people but there was just something about it that didn't sit well with him. Kagami would have nagged at him, saying that his writing was brilliant as always and that he's simply too much of a perfectionist when it came to his own writing. (Kuroko would never say it aloud but he knew it was mostly because Kagami lacked any literary inclinations that allowed him to look at Kuroko's work in awe and reverence. Midorima would the person he went to if he really wanted any personal but critical feedback.)

Yet maybe what Kagami preached to him was not entirely without merit because his editor just told him he had a really great article going for his last contribution. Kuroko had a clean, concise and simple style going on that worked for most types of articles, so the magazine he worked for allowed him to handle most topics and gave him his own column. There were frequent fan letters for him that spoke highly of his refreshing, unbiased opinions on things. (Kuroko always had a suspicion that Kise sneaked in a few every now and then because one, he could recognize the handwriting and two, the sender wrote his name as Kurokocchi-san and somehow, it just screamed of Kise to him. The content of those letters usually affirmed that sneaky feeling.)

There was little Kuroko loved, even at the age of twenty five where most would have already amassed a treasure trove of beloved things. However, his job was one of those little things and he was immensely grateful that Riko had introduced him to the chief editor, who was one of her many connections. ("Just buy me dinner, Kuroko," his ex-coach smiled, "the talent I love cultivating isn't solely basketball, sometimes.")

The latest article he did happened to be on basketball, which was something that was already part of his core being. The words flowed freely from his train of thought and he found it easy to string them together without too much bias. Kagami read it and smiled in that bright, dumb way of his. "You still really love basketball, don't you?" the professional NBA player asked.

 "It's that obvious?" Kuroko frowned a little.

"Anyone could tell," he mused, a little wistfully, "it's plain as day."

Needless to say, his career was going well and he had nothing to worry about on that end. What was bothering him was the writing he did for leisure. Just a few weeks ago, his mother emailed him about clearing some of his old middle school and high school things as part of her yearly spring cleaning routine. He took a trip back to his old house to clear some of the things in the boxes. Even for one rarely afflicted with much emotion, he felt a touch of nostalgia as he saw photos from both middle and high school. Then there was heavy embarrassment for and from himself as he found journals filled with writing from those years. It was interesting, though, to see what younger Kuroko Tetsuya wrote about. (There was everything from triumphing dragons to every gruelling detail of his Teikou's training.)

The photos were stashed away into another box and he threw away some meaningless trinkets and old certificates that no longer meant anything to him. He spared a lingering look at the journals and in the end, decided to take them back with him to his apartment. They made good reading material in terms of the richness of the content and younger Kuroko's imagination. Besides, it served as a good testimony to his improvement and change in style.

It was when he was halfway through the journal he dedicated solely to the torture that they called training in Teikou that he felt that itch to write. It was a baby idea that was looming at the back of his head and he still couldn't quite picture it yet but there was something he wanted to bring to life. When he felt it, he immediately trying to pen it down in a fresh, recently bought journal but he barely wrote a paragraph before he crossed it out, frustrated at how wrong it felt to him. A deep sigh later, he closed the journal and laid down on his sofa, staring at the spotless ceiling.

A few days later, he tried but to the same result. There was something _definite_ he wanted to write in his head now but somehow, he just couldn't approve of whatever he was writing. The thing was that he knew for sure that Kise or Kagami would have approved and found nothing wrong with whatever he wrote. While his work performance remained top notch, it was obvious to his friends that the inability to express himself through his most trusted venture was taking its toil on him.

It was when he was sending Kagami off to America that the redhead finally said, "Kuroko, you should really just write what you want to."

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko sighed, "it's not that simple."

 "This time, you're the baka," Kagami laughed, "it's not as hard as you think it is. Just try. Do what you really want to instead of what you think you want." 

"Do what I really want to instead of-" Kuroko's eyes widened.

"I'll see you when I come back," Kagami waved and disappeared into the departure hall.

As he travelled back home, Kuroko thanked the heavens it was the weekend and he had already completed his work load for his job. The moment he entered his apartment, he threw down his bag and started writing. He wrote and wrote, not even caring that morning bled into night and night burst into morning once more. It was Monday morning when he finished and he had to request for leave for the next two days. Even after all these years, his body was still weak and couldn't take the toll of staying up for two days straight. The point was that he had a completed story in his hands and it felt glorious.

To be completely honest, Kuroko didn't really put in extra effort to maintain his relationships after high school or university. His middle school relationships were naturally maintained because they all still played basketball and still came together for matches between schools. In university, he finally laid his basketball dreams to rest because he knew he couldn't compete on that level of basketball. Instead, he took to covering basketball stories and working on the school's newsletter while he did his major in Japanese.

He was forced to Seiren's annual reunions by Kagami and subtle threats by both Hyuuga and Riko. As for the others, he heard about them through Momoi, whom he still emailed rather frequently. Kise was the only one from his middle school who actively imposed himself in Kuroko's life. (The one who would crossdress as an abnormally tall woman to get into Kuroko's apartment undetected after Kuroko grumbled about having no privacy at all when he went out with Kise.) After he completed the story, he almost cleanly forgot about it because it was the time for their magazine's annual compilation of milestones and achievements for the previous year. Naturally, he was caught up in writing summaries of his work, not to mention doing interviews and photoshoots for once.

Finally, he could take a breather after the whole event and on a public holiday. It was one of Kise's free days and he decided to come to Kuroko's apartment so that the both of them could just hang out. (Really more like Kuroko nodding half-heartedly to Kise's many rants and rambles about his life while both of them watched Kagami's matches.) Just before Kise arrived, Kuroko remembered the story and decided that it would be nice to have an opinion on it, no matter how that opinion was too biased towards him. The blond arrived with donuts and coffee in tow and they begun their routine.

Kise left just before lunch because he needed to memorise his script for the new and upcoming drama he was going to act in. It was another series to add to his long list of accomplishments. Kuroko passed him the journal and told Kise that it was no rush for him to read it.

This definitely wasn't the first time Kuroko allowed Kise to read his works. Usually he did it when he wanted an ego boost after Midorima's long emails about his work. The strange, fluttery excitement and nervousness as he handed the journal over was certainly foreign to Kuroko. It was almost as if he couldn't wait to hear what Kise had to say about it but yet at the same time, he wanted to hide under his covers so that he never had to deal with whatever Kise was to say about it. When the door closed behind Kise, he let out a loud exhale and started on a new article he was thinking of proposing to his editor.

Hours later, he was brainstorming ideas for his next column entry when his front door slammed open. "Kurokocchi~" Kise gushed out and Kuroko found himself with Kise clinging to his abdomen and squeezing his waist. "It was sooooo goooooood," Kise continued to gush.

Thinking for the umpteenth time that telling Kise his lock combination was a very bad idea indeed, he managed to pry Kise off him. After managing that, he asked, much like one would to a child, "Kise-kun, what are you talking about?"

"Your story!" the other cried out, indignant.

"Oh," Kuroko managed.

"I really loved it," Kise sighed deeply and this time, Kuroko could see how his eyes were tinged red. "I opened your journal on my way back to my apartment and expected to read it over the course of a week or something in between breaks. But  _Kurokocchi,_ " Kise's voice took on a distinct whine, "once I started, I couldn't put it down until I finished it!"

Despite the quickening of his heart, Kuroko raised an eyebrow and said in amusement, "Are you blaming me for your inability to prioritise, Kise-kun?"

The blond let out a loud groan and pouted. "No, no, no, Kurokocchi, I'm just saying that it was your best work ever! I think you should get it published!"

"What?" Kuroko felt himself falter before his heart started beating quicker.

"Yes, that's what I'm going to do!"

"Wait- Kise-kun-"

It was, of course, useless. Nothing could stop Kise when he was firmly latched onto something. A week later, Kise was explaining the process of publishing to him. A few weeks later, he met with an editor who had years of experience and touted his story to be the next big thing to hit the market. Within a month, they had done countless revisions and settled everything from design to printing. A few months later, he was holding the novel in his hands.

The whole experience was rather surreal.

When his books hit the stores, he had a feeling like this was going to be one of his failed ventures in life. Kuroko typically didn't waste any time on daydreaming or anything if he could actually make things happen. With his low presence, he did wished people could notice him more but then again, that would take away his fun of scaring the living wits out of people, so he compromised. After writing the story, he never showed it or told but he did harbour tiny dreams of 'what ifs' and 'what could bes' if people appreciated his work and liked his writing. It seemed to him more measure of his worth and abilities should people acknowledge his creations than him as a person. (Not that there was anything wrong with being coveted as a person, which was working out pretty well for Kise.)

Of course, he kept himself grounded with lavish dreams of his utter failure and how the company would demand money in compensation for all the stock that they could not sell. He imagined himself evicted from his house because he could not pay rent. Midorima would probably dissociate with him because he was in crippling debt. Kise would probably let him sleep on his floor while crying and hugging Kuroko the whole time. Kagami would fly from America to Japan for one day when he had a free day. The redhead would spend half of his time laughing at Kuroko and the other half of his time fretting over Kuroko. The other Seirin members would probably comfort him although Riko might have smacked him and told him that he ought to have done more research or found someone better to do the job.

In other words, he was not prepared at all when his book became one of the top sellers in mere weeks and everyone he mentioned above and more flooded him with so many compliments and comments that he felt awed. It was the first time in his life that he woke up daily to a few hundred new emails and other texts, mostly from the company with updates but also with old friends and relatives telling him that they read his book.

However, to his surprise, no one mentioned the very thing he expected everyone in his past to talk about.

As a good friend, he informed Kagami frequently about the whole process in publishing a book. It surprised him one day when Kagami sent him a short email that said just enough, " _Hey, bought your book at the Japanese section of a major book store today. You said your company was discussing translations? I think that will be cool. Anyway, I told him about your book. You know, the guy whom your book is centred around?_ "

Ah, there it was.

Kuroko closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. Trust Kagami to be the one who could see through him immediately.

" _Was it that obvious?_ " was his reply.

Kagami happened to be online and sent his response back almost immediately. " _You're always obvious when he's involved. He's like basketball to you. Hell, unlike basketball, you can have a future with him._ "

" _Ouch, Kagami-kun,_ " Kuroko felt himself smile, " _maybe I could have been a NBA player too._ "

" _You know what I mean, Kuroko._ "

The sigh was out of his lips before he knew it- this meant that soon enough, he has to deal with Aomine Daiki.

 

 

 

 

 

The story he wrote was about a young teenager who found basketball but couldn't get better at it, no matter how he tried. He was just about to give up everything to do with basketball when he met an amazing basketball player of the same age and fell in love with the sport all over again. This player inspired him to start finding other ways to help out like be the team's manager and write articles for the school's newsletter. The main character then realized that there were many ways to love a thing and just because you are not skilled in something didn't mean you couldn't fall in love with it and appreciate it anyway. In the end, you could use your strengths and choose the way you loved something.

The main three selling points were as followed. The first was Kuroko's extremely realistic and captivating recounts of practice and the character's helplessness at his inability to get better at something he professed he loved. The second was that the character managed to find another way to love his one passion in life, which was a different perspective from most because people would expect the character to suddenly make a breakthrough with basketball. The third was that Kuroko managed to highlight that you have to make sure of what you're good in and find what you can do instead of despairing at your weakness.

His novel was lapped up by the public and of all ages because it was something that most people could relate to and gain inspiration from. Kuroko could never forget the first time he read fan mail and there were people he had never met before telling him that his book saved their lives and made them have hope once more. He read all the mail he could but he never replied to them because it felt like it isn't in his place to do so. What people were enamoured by was the character of Uehara Jun and not the author Kuroko Tetsuya.

On one of Kise's rare serious moments, he asked without one of his idiotic expressions or tones, "Kurokocchi, isn't it like an autobiography?"

Kuroko looked up from the article he was editing and met Kise's blank face. "No," he said finally, "it's not."

There was a brief moment of hesitation before Kise opened his mouth again, "It's about Aominecchi, right?"

There it was.

"Yes," Kuroko sighed with a rueful smile, "is it really that obvious?"

Kise had a pondering look. "No," he conceded but shrugged immediately after that, "but I know to you, him and basketball are practically interchangeable in your heart."

"What?" Kuroko's voice wasn't raised but it definitely took on an incredulous note. The smirk on Kise's face was too knowing, "I talk to Kagamicchi sometimes. He agreed."

"Kise-kun," Kuroko narrowed his eyes warningly.

"You will never be done with Aominecchi, Kurokocchi," Kise huffed before he finally turned back to his script.

Kuroko stared at him for a moment longer, noted that Kise still childishly concluded conversations when he just didn't want to continue them. Privately, he remarked that Kise's words seemed very much like a curse of some sort. He spared a small smile for old time's sake and went back to correcting the article.

 

 

 

 

 

The airport was a place he rarely ever visited for his own sake because Kuroko wasn't really into travelling and he never had much reason to be on a plane. (Once or twice a year for his work and usually within Japan.) The furtherest he had ever been was to Singapore where the Seirin team wanted somewhere to just eat and chill after most of them graduated from university. It was their graduation trip before they became adults. Kuroko will never forget the sight of Kagami completely intoxicated and he wished he didn't hear some of the terrible, _terrible_ puns that Izuki made. Anyway, the most likely reason he was at the airport was to pick someone up such as Kagami, Kise and on the extremely rare occasion, Midorima.

Most of the time, he picked Kagami up when the redhead came back to Japan for a short vacation or during the lulls between seasons or training. It became something habitual to him after Kagami left for Los Angeles the moment he graduated from high school to join a university with a top notch basketball team. Regardless of how both of them would never admit their close relationship with anyone, they had the most contact with each other when one excluded colleagues, team mates and all the people that they had to spend copious amount of time with every day.

Kuroko was waiting for Kagami at his usual bench after the season ended. He was people watching as usual to pass time when his phone beeped. It was a short email from the company that did his book and simply a short message of congratulations on his book spending the fifth month on top of the best selling list. There was a short burst of happiness in his chest before it dwindled to a warm glow. Another beep came and it was from Kagami.

" _Hey, Kuroko. Sorry, sorry, I came back with Alex this time and she dragged me off somewhere before I could even say that I was meeting you. Between her and Akashi, I have my hands full. I'm sorry that I can't meet you today. I'll head to your apartment on Saturday?_ "

The sigh escaped him and he stood up. If Akashi was involved, it probably meant the three were getting chauffeured around and doing whatever Alex's whims were. It was a wasted day because Kuroko thought he would be spending it with Kagami, so he took a day off. Now he had the rest of the day ahead and not much to do because he was still on task with work. He was still staring at his phone, wondering how to spend the time when someone said, "Hey, Tetsu."

".....Aomine-kun."

It was like seeing a ghost in the flesh.

"I haven't changed, Tetsu," Aomine grinned savagely, "so don't hold your breath. I'm still the asshole I was."

"It's good to see you too, Aomine-kun," Kuroko smiled. He barely got the words out before he found himself with an armful of Aomine, crushed to the other's firm chest, his feet barely reaching the ground. His hands landed on Aomine's bare arms and he could feel the goosebumps on them. It was just like Aomine to forget to bring a sweater or to be too lazy to wear one or  _something_. The first instinct was to push away from the arms clutching at him and pat Aomine on the back but somehow, he simply clung onto Aomine and wound his arms around Aomine as tightly as Aomine's own arms were around him.

 

 

 

 

 

" _Omg, Kagamicchi, YOU ARE BRILLIANT._ "

With Kise's message was an attachment of Aomine and Kuroko hugging like some couple who reunited after some melodramatic separation that always happened in romantic dramas that Kise acted in. Snorting at how Kise found the time to stalk the two of them, he pocketed his phone and sighed as Akashi readily agreed to Alex's request to hit every single pub or club in the downtown area. ' _This is going to be really embarrassing,_ ' Kagami groaned mentally, already wondering how he could escape. He felt like the grumpy child forced to tag along with his shameful parents. Then again, that would make Akashi his father and that was something he didn't want to imagine. Not in this lifetime.

He couldn't help the smile on his face though.

"What are you smiling about?" Alex yelled and he felt it drop from his face.

"Nothing," he grumbled, cursing Himuro for staying back in America. If he had Himuro here, he could get Murasakibara and Himuro to spend time with Alex and Akashi. Hell, knowing both of those two, they'll be happy to do it even. Unlike him. This was hell.

Well, at least he can hope that Aomine and Kuroko finally realize that they were meant to be all along.

When they  _finally_  get back together, Kagami was so going to claim the $50 that Kiyoshi and Hyuuga owed him.

 

 

 

 

 

After Aomine released him, Kuroko felt a little feeling of strangeness to come back into contact with the ground. Aomine moved to lean his forehead on Kuroko's like they did a lot in the past but Kuroko took a step back. "It's been a long time," Kuroko said, as if offering an explanation but they both knew it was his way of subtly rejecting Aomine.

There was a slight wry tinge to Aomine's smile before he adjusted the strap of his bag and asked, "Would you like to spend the day with me?"

Kuroko was never really the confrontational type so he almost said no but decided that it was, indeed, a good way to pass his free time, so he settled for, "I'll have lunch with you, but we'll decide after that."

They walked to the subway together and boarded the train in silence. Both of them weren't people who felt obliged to fill the silence with words like Kise would. It wasn't exactly comfortable but yet they have spent too much time in each other's company to be unsettled by the lack of conversation. Kuroko looked out of the windows, watching the scenery speed by. About halfway through the journey, he looked at Aomine and found that the other was staring at him.

He tilted his head questioningly. The side of Aomine's lips lifted, as did one of his shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. Kuroko replied with a quirk of an eyebrow and Aomine laughed, softly. There was a smile on Kuroko's lips before he even knew he was doing it and Aomine went back to staring, his eyes strangely intense and his expression serious. When they got off the train, Aomine led the way like he always did but when he stopped, Kuroko immediately turned to look at him in shock.

"You've been talking to one of them, right?" Kuroko asked but it sounded more like an accusation to them both.

"Both, actually," Aomine replied but with annoyance and a frustrated sigh. "Kagami never stops talking about you and Kise's bugging the hell out of me." He paused and sighed again but this one melancholy and wistful. "Ever since you wrote that book." Kuroko couldn't stop a rare flush from overtaking his cheeks and perhaps it was a testimony to him having matured just a little that Aomine didn't mention it. He merely smiled a little, leading the way into the small, hidden cafe that quite recently became Kuroko's favourite hang out.

When Kuroko ordered a vanilla shake, Aomine laughed, long and loud, attracting some stares from the other patrons and startling their waiter. "Some things never do change, do they?" Aomine wheezed as he wiped the slight tear at his eye.

"Yes," Kuroko managed, "they don't."

The silence prevailed after that, even as they ate and Kuroko didn't have the heart to reject the slice of waffle Aomine dumped on his plate. And of course, Aomine ate the rest of the sandwiches that Kuroko couldn't finish. Somehow, he was almost expecting the loud sigh that Aomine released at the end of their meal. "I can't do this with you, Tetsu," Aomine leaned back and closed his eyes, only to open them to the ceiling, "I can't keep chasing ghosts with you."

"Is that so, Aomine-kun?" Kuroko said airily, "I wonder who it was who invited me for lunch when I was perfectly content to go home by myself."

Kuroko was ashamed to privately admit that he felt a thrill when he saw Aomine's eyes widen and his brows furrowed.

"Damn it, Tetsu, don't make this difficult."

"Aomine-kun, you were the one who said that you haven't changed, so why would you expect anything to be different? It'll be as difficult as it has always been," Kuroko retorted, barely holding back the sting in his words.

"Yeah, I haven't changed at all," Aomine grumbled, "I keep thinking of you."

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko paused, "are you blaming me for your  _obsession_ with me?"

"What?! Of course not- I-" he stopped when he saw the small smile on Kuroko's lips. "You fucker," he laughed, pretending he didn't see the look of disapproval on the other's face.

"Excuse me," someone else gritted out and they both looked up to see a waiter that was even smaller than Kuroko by quite a bit. He had a murderous look on his face although his words were polite, "If you are done eating, it would be great if you could free the table for the other patrons." It was only then they noticed the long line of people waiting outside, as well as the fact that the quiet, quaint cafe became a lot more boisterous.

"What's the occasion?" Kuroko asked.

"They're here to see Erwin, our boss," the waiter grumbled, "Mr. Handsome over there works in a huge ass company but he comes down here every month to show his face and cook. Those people are probably after his fortune. Or they like his face. Whatever."

The two of them graciously left their seats and left, letting the door close on the waiter shouting at another clumsy waiter who rushed to pick up the spoon he dropped.

"Man," Aomine couldn't help but snigger, "I would love to see that pissy bastard's face if Murasakibara picked him up."

"That would be funny," Kuroko chuckled.

Their hands brushed against each other as they walked but neither made any move to move them closer or further away. It was only after a moment after it ceased that Kuroko even realized that Aomine had stopped. "Aomine-kun?" he called as he turned around, finding Aomine wearing an absolutely bitter smile. "What are you doing?"

"Practising," he laughed hollowly, "for when you walk away from me again."

That was the last straw.

Kuroko marched over, dragged Aomine down by the collar and punched him in the face. To say Aomine was surprised was the understatement of the year, although it probably hurt Kuroko more than it did Aomine. "Tetsu?" Aomine ventured, eyes still so wide you could see the white all around the blue.

"You're a dumbass," Kuroko grumbled, releasing Aomine to rub a hand over his face exasperatedly, "it's not like I didn't know that but honestly! How can someone get on my nerves so much?"

Knowing well that Kuroko was well into a mood when he said things that he usually left unsaid, Aomine blinked. Then he leaned down to kiss Kuroko and the other responded with all the ferocity and anger he felt. 

"Ouch, Tetsu," Aomine chuckled, wiping the blood from his lips.

"Don't you dare laugh," Kuroko deadpanned. "Now, listen carefully to what I'm saying. I know you secretly like romance things because Momoi-san always tells me you steals her shoujo manga." (Kuroko resolutely ignored Aomine's deep blush and his exclamation of "Satsuki! That traitor!") He continued, "However, I absolutely hate all the melodrama and everything. For the last time, I  _do not_ secretly have a thing for Kagami-kun, Kise-kun and I are not having an illicit love affair and my manager and I are strictly in a business only relationship. Stop being so paranoid! Stop being a drama queen!"

"Wow," Aomine blinked as Kuroko panted. 

"THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY?!" Kuroko exploded.

 "...You're really cute when you're angry?"

 Bruised hand be damned, Kuroko punched Aomine another time.

 

 

 

 

 

Aomine Daiki knew he was an asshole. There was no way of mincing it. From the root of his hair to the tip of his toenail, he was a grade A asshole. At least, that was what he told himself in order to feel better about being an asshole. He knew it the moment, at the tender age of seven, he yelled at Momoi and didn't apologise, only watched her eyes flood with tears and didn't chase her as she ran away. Two hours later, she came back with dry but tinged red eyes like nothing happened. He felt like shit but he allowed it to be. Since then, Aomine never made the apologies he needed to the most and he was never honest. It was a wonder that there were still people around him and that Momoi remained by his side, as always.

He knew best that he was a menace that broke everything he touched.

When he started going out with Kuroko in high school after the whole Touou defeat, he honestly felt like his life was perfect. Nothing was better and they were so happy that they could burst. Then, he started hurting Kuroko. Started intentionally saying things that relived the whole Teikou experience, started not answering Kuroko's calls and messages, started not caring about their relationship. Basketball came easy, as always but maintaining a relationship was hard. Being by Kuroko's side became hard. He never questioned it himself, too afraid of the answers he would find.

Even now, his eyes were on the hand in his lap, resolutely averting Kuroko's gaze. Aomine could feel Kuroko's eyes on him even more acutely than the ice that was numbing his barely swollen cheek. Just slightly, he could see the ice pack that Kuroko was holding to the knuckles of one hand. For once, the silence was choking Aomine and his chest swelled with the desire to say something,  _anything_. Yet he still kept silent, unwilling to be the one to bare his soul.

Finally, Kuroko sighed noisily with the slightest note of underlying displeasure. " _Talk,_  Aomine-kun," Kuroko grumbled and Aomine finally let his eyes travel up to Kuroko's. It was one of the rare occasions he was unable to get a read of Kuroko for the other man was closed off to him. Most people would think Kuroko Tetsuya emotionless and inexpressive but Aomine knew it was all a ruse and one had to look for the certain signs to get a gauge of Kuroko. Just sometimes, though, Kuroko would put on a mask, deliberating shielding everything he was feeling. (Aomine felt regretful that he was already used to this, unlike most other people who had never seen this side of Kuroko.)

It was the straight, unwavering eyes that got to him, as it always did. All of a sudden, Aomine remembered why he avoided Kuroko devotedly back when he was hurting the other man. With just one look from Kuroko, he could  _crumble_. "....What is there to say?" Aomine sighed eventually, placing the ice pack onto the table and leaning back. His gaze was on his hands now.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Kuroko ventured.

There was so much going on in Aomine's mind that it was as though nothing was happening. The crux of it was that he loved Kuroko and he hated himself. He didn't know how to put that accurately enough in words so he decided to go with the response that immediately popped into his head upon hearing Kuroko's question. "I'm thinking..." he paused, trying to find the words but in the end, decided that he should put it simply and honestly, "that it's stupid for you to ask me to talk."

A sigh. "Alright, Aomine-kun. At least you're honest. But why do you think it's stupid?"

Refraining from childishly insisting it was stupid just because he said it is, Aomine searched for an alternative answer. After a very drawn out moment, he groaned, muffled in the palms he buried his face into. His eyes found Kuroko's again. Resting his chin on his palm, he uttered softly, "Stop asking me questions that I don't have answers to."

"Don't have answers to?" was Kuroko's hollow sounding reply. His glaze was oddly intense and Aomine involuntarily swallowed. After so long being away from Kuroko, he had forgotten the kind of effect that the other man had on him. It was almost like staring at a beautifully intricate painting and being awed without knowing why or how. Before he knew it, he found himself hopelessly enraptured but at the same time, deadly frightened of the effect the painting had on him. At that moment, Kuroko's features softened from their frigidness and Aomine could see that he was beginning to reach that point of giving in. "Aomine-kun, you don't really think so."

"I do!" Aomine bit back a curse at how childish and immature he sounded. Still, he refused to relent and swallowed, sitting up straight and looking Kuroko confidently. "I think they're stupid." Kuroko watched Aomine like one would observe an animal to see what it would do next. It was a tense few seconds before Kuroko spoke again.

"You and I both know how you really feel."

And so they did.

 

 

 

 

 

Back when they entered the apartment, Aomine slowly watched the anger seep out of Kuroko. He didn't care for Aomine's stare at the lock combination and Aomine felt a little choked that it was the date they first got together. The grip of his fists loosened at Aomine's "You, that date-  _you-_ " and he went to retrieve ice packs from the fridge. By then, his anger was mostly gone and he was filled with resigned exasperation, as he always was when it came to Aomine. Aomine and his uncanny ability to avoid things he didn't like doing, just like a petulant child.

"... _Damn it_ , Tetsu, do we really have to do this?" Aomine sighed as he leaned back to stare at the ceiling. They were at a stalemate after Kuroko professed that they both knew what was going on, which was true. Aomine knew he wasn't the only one talking to people about the other as he knew well enough that Momoi and Kuroko remained close even after all these years.

"If you want to make it work, this time." Kuroko's reply was offhandedly nonchalant but Aomine knew he would feel slight tremors if he had one of Kuroko's hands in his.

"This time?" he scoffed softly, "it'll go to shit sooner or later. It always will." There was a beat before Kuroko rose from his side of the couch and came over to Aomine's side. Aomine's eyes followed his movement, jerking a bit when Kuroko's ice cold hand landed on his cheek. He didn't know how exactly to describe it but it was as though something in Kuroko's face sharpened.

"Then I'll make it work the next time. And when that time doesn't work, I'll go at it again." Kuroko's response made his jaw drop a little. Kuroko continued, "I know what you do, Aomine-kun. You like to push people away just to see if they'll come back. Momoi-san mentioned you do it a lot to her. You seem to like to hurt people, although you feel awful about it because deep down, you secretly think you're not worthy of them. You're not the only one talking to people about me. In fact, the only things I talk to Momoi-san about is you." Struck by the sudden realization even as he finished saying it, Kuroko paused. "I never noticed that before. Anyway, my point is that when I was writing the book, I was thinking of you. Not just you but finding a way to love something.

"I thought that if you loved someone, you will let him be. You will accept his flaws and hope he graces you with his virtue. But Aomine-kun, you have no virtue to speak of." (Kuroko thoroughly enjoyed Aomine's indignant "Hey! Tetsu, that's going too far!".) "It was only when both Kagami-kun and Kise-kun told me that my love for you was obvious that I started thinking about it properly. I thought that it would be better for me not to be with you anymore and let you be but I realize I can't."

Aomine wouldn't be lying if he said that on too many occasions, Kuroko's glaze felt like it could see through  _his soul_.

"Aomine-kun, I want to be with you. If we're going to be lonely and aching if we're apart, then I rather be together, whether we're miserable or not. I want to be together with you, in all your asshole glory and anything else." Then this was the point that Kuroko leaned his forehead on Aomine's once more and Aomine felt the warmth seeping in his soul again, soaking the cold recesses that chilled in Kuroko's absence. Their breaths were mingling and the ends of Kuroko's lips were curled the way it did when he was pleased.

"Wow, Tetsu. Just... Wow. What can I say to a confession like that?" Aomine's smile was soft and wistful. Kuroko clung to Aomine's torso, his arms squeezing Aomine around the ribs while Aomine's hands rested on his lower back.

"Say you'll be with me and that you will work it out, too."

Kuroko could almost feel the hesitation coming from Aomine. The larger man shifted so that Kuroko leaned heavily on the couch while Aomine buried himself in Kuroko's embrace. Nuzzling his face onto Kuroko's collar bone, he breathed in deeply. "Are you sure you want to do this, Tetsu? It's probably going to take really long and you might give up in the middle," Aomine sighed.

Abruptly, Aomine found his head being pulled by Kuroko's still slightly chilly hands. The gaze he met was hard and determined. Slowly, Kuroko pressed a kiss to Aomine's forehead, then to each of his eyelid (Aomine barely closed his eye in time), each cheek, his nose and finally his chin. After which, Kuroko murmured, with his lips brushing Aomine's with every uttered word, "Haven't I showed you that I'll pull through in the end?"

"You have, indeed," Aomine managed to get in before Kuroko's lips met his own. The two were simply basking in each other's warmth when Kuroko suddenly started laughing quietly to himself. At Aomine's quizzical look, he decided it wouldn't be too bad to share his thoughts.

"Don't worry, if you act up, I'll have Momoi-san on my side. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have known about your shoujo obsession and that you secretly fret over every male I have at my side."

"Shut up! I'm so going to kill Satsuki after this! That  _traitor_!"

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Written because I was having writers' block with another Aokuro fic I wanted to write and what better way to get rid of it than writing about another writer experiencing it. 
> 
> 2\. Shout outs to:   
> (a) [ Bird on a Wire ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/513078/chapters/904907) by [ Lys ap Adin ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin), mostly because it was one of the first Aokuro fics I read and it was unbelievable.   
> (b) [ Alex and Akashi Live From Las Vegas ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/609782) by [half_sleeping](http://archiveofourown.org/users/half_sleeping/pseuds/half_sleeping) because this fic is what got me perfectly fine with the idea of Akashi and Alex.  
> (c) [but i live in a hologram with you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1150956?view_adult=true) by [levihans](http://archiveofourown.org/users/levihans/pseuds/levihans) because I read it recently and I can easily imagine my fic to be somewhat an expansion or au of number four. 
> 
> 3\. Kuroko asks those "is it obvious" questions because he likes to think he's stealthy as a ninja and subtle as a... subtle thing. 
> 
> 4\. If I'm not wrong, this was my first time writing Kagami. (Yes, I checked, it was.) 
> 
> 5\. Also, Kuroko asking about inability to prioritise and obsession is because he secretly feels somewhat guilty, so he abates his guilt by making it into a joke.
> 
> 6\. Like, Kuroko, I dream but of becoming Tumblr famous where random anons come to ask me questions. (*A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes* plays in the background) 
> 
> 7\. For the record, Hyuuga and Kiyoshi bet that Kuroko and Aomine's mutual boners will wilt and Kagami bet that "NO, THEIR BONERS WILL CONTINUE ON FOREVER". 
> 
> 8\. I got stuck so bad after the cafe scene because I had no idea how to get them together and end the story, so I apologize if you feel like the end is not up to par to the beginning. 
> 
> 9\. Yes, Aomine is an insecure baby and a stupid man. 
> 
> 10\. Momoi sents over messages like _"Dai-chan is reading Akuma De Sourou! Maybe he thinks he's a devil?"_ or _"Dai-chan thinks Kise is dating someone as a front while he has wild sex with you in your apartment??? What even???"_ or _"I think Dai-chan need help, he accidentally called the blue-haired staff 'Tetsu' again."_
> 
> 11\. I really enjoyed writing this and the first part was so easy because I just wrote down whatever I was feeling. 
> 
> 12\. The title of the fic is a line from Swans by Unkle Bob, that song that would have been Aomine and Kuroko's story in another universe but I will not let that happen in my fics. 
> 
> 13\. In most fics I read, I can only remember Aomine being the one extremely affected by his relationship with Kuroko, so I wanted Kuroko to make the grand confession this time. 
> 
> 14\. I have a very soft, fluffy spot for Kise, which is probably how Kise feels about Kuroko. 
> 
> 15\. Those cameo were fun and I have no idea why I keep calling Erwin Mr. Handsome- ugh.


End file.
